Trying to get your boyfriend or girlfriend back without a plan is like jumping onto a pair of skis and heading straight down a mountain… without ever having skied before. You need a concrete, step-by-step blueprint for how you plan on winning back your exboyfriend or girlfriend, as well as what to do once you have them again. Getting back together is only half the battle… staying together is the other half.
If you’ve been dumped by your ex, knowing when to communicate can be difficult. You absolutely cannot and should not be calling your ex immediately after the break up, nor should you be emailing them or sending them a bunch of needy text-messages. Even the smallest, most insignificant message is going to come off as desperate. “Just calling to say hi” doesn’t exist in the early stages of breaking up, and neither does “I just wanted to see how you’re doing”. You have to get over those things if you want to successfully get back with your ex.
If you’re contemplating the best ways to get your ex to call you, you’re actually on the right track. It’s always ten times better to receive an incoming phone call from an ex boyfriend or girlfriend than it is to be the one who’s making the call. But before you can accomplish getting your ex to dial your number, you need to first do something even more important: make your ex miss you.
You’ll never get back together with an exboyfriend or girlfriend until that person both wants and needs you again. In order for this to happen, you have to take yourself away from the equation for a little while. If you’re always around, always calling, and always trying to keep touch with your ex… he or she will never miss you. They won’t be given the chance to face a life without you, because you’re still there. Not until you’ve broken all ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend contact will he or she finally realize that being alone isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. At that point, you begin crawling back into your ex’s head without even doing anything at all.
But once you’ve given them their time and space? There are methods you can use that will get your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend to call you. Some of these techniques are simple, and others are a little more sneaky… each has it’s pros and cons, but they can be very effective ways of getting back in touch with your ex again.
First, does your ex have an upcoming birthday? Did they graduate, or get promoted, or accomplish some other type of accolade? Calling to say congratulations is a great way to get back in touch, especially if you intentionally leave a message when you know your ex is not home. He or she will think it’s sweet that you remembered them, and will have no qualms about calling you back to thank you for thinking of them.
And how close did you get with your ex’s family while you were dating? If you dated your ex long enough to have established bonds with siblings or other family members, you can always call to see how they’re doing. If your ex boyfriend’s mom was having an operation, it’s nice to call and see how it went. If your ex girlfriend’s brother was trying to get into a certain school, it’s great to call and ask if they made it. These kinds of connections provide you with a casual, innocent reason to get back in touch with your ex. From there, you can re-establish communication with the person you were dating.
Accept Your Break Up At Face Value
They say that one of the first stages of grief is denial, and that couldn’t be more true for the break up of a relationship. Being separated from someone you love can be extremely hard, and if the breakup was initiated by your boyfriend it only makes it ten times harder.
For many women, outright denial is the first response to being dumped. When the impact of being broken up with first wears off, your initial impulse is to convince yourself that everything is okay. You’ve had fights before, right? Surely this is just another big argument. It’ll blow over, and in a day or so everything will be back to normal. At least, that’s what you tell yourself.
Eventually though, you’ll need to come to terms with the fact that your relationship – at least as you know it – has finally ended. Whether that realization comes sooner or later is entirely up to you. While you may think delaying the inevitable might help ease you into the pain, it only serves to make you feel even more lost during this crucial phase. Even worse, this is one of your most vulnerable time periods for you. While you’re still in denial about the end of the relationship, you could be making big mistakes in how you deal with your ex-boyfriend. These could cause further damage, hindering any attempt you might want to make at a reconciliation later on down the line.
But How Will Accepting My Breakup Help Me Get Him Back?
Easy there, take it slow. While your ultimate goal might be getting back together, you can’t really do anything until the break up resolves. If you’re reading this, chances are this isn’t a simple “let’s have a break” type of situation. Most likely, you and your boyfriend are fully broken up.
As much as it might hurt, think of your relationship as a home… and your breakup as the fire that burned it down. You cannot build a new home until you tear down the broken foundation of the first one. Likewise, you’ll never be able to start a new relationship with your ex-boyfriend until you tear down the charred remains of your first one. This is acceptance.
The moral of the story here: don’t push for answers. Don’t try to convince yourself that you need some ‘other’ explanation, or that your ex hasn’t given you a good enough reason to break off the relationship. You can’t save it because it already happened. There’s nothing more to take away from the situation other than one cold hard fact: the two of you are no longer a couple. Period, end of story.
Silence is Golden – Time To Reflect
Once you’ve accepted your breakup, try to consider why you broke up in the first place. Was it for a stupid reason? A big fight? Usually that’s the case. But such a blowout is also usually just an excuse… nothing more than a scratch on the surface of a much larger problem. After all, there must be a bigger reason you’re no longer together, right?
Let’s hope so, because that’s what you’ll be aiming to fix. Learning how to get back an ex boyfriend won’t help one bit if you can’t keep him once you get back together. This is a good time for reflection. Try to look beneath that stupid fight and see the underlying reasons why one or both of you are unhappy. Be honest with yourself. Now’s not the time to work on this – not yet, anyway – but while the breakup is fresh you need to tuck these reasons in the back of your mind for later on.
Some Inspiration to Cheer You Up
At this point it’s common to feel confused, hurt and depressed. When a relationship ends unwantingly, people tend to feel lost and hopeless. Being alone can also be some of the worst times for you, which is why it’s sometimes best to concentrate on the positive. Although you’re accepting your break up right now, that doesn’t mean you can’t look ahead to your goal of winning back your ex boyfriend.
These testimonials contain dozens of great, inspirational stories from couples who have gotten back together. Many of them felt the same type of hopelessness you’re feeling right now, but they fought their way through it and gained back their partner’s love and respect. Read them, along with the reconcilation tips also found there.
Try to concentrate on the positive aspects of what these couples have accomplished. Because eventually, you’ll be applying it to your own broken relationship.
Take a Giant Step Back
This is the hard part, but you really need to give yourself a little distance. This doesn’t mean you should withdraw completely, curl into a ball, and go crying off in the corner of your room. In fact, it helps more to do just the opposite. If you have a trip planned, see if you can move it up. If you’ve wanted to start a project, maybe now’s a good time. Keeping yourself as busy as possible in the hours and days after the break-up is one of the best things you can do – for both you and for him – and it’s also a critical indication of how you’ll handle yourself later on.
Sure, you’re going to think about him every chance you get. He’s going to creep into your mind no matter what you do. Everywhere you go will remind you of him, and every song that plays on the radio will be about the two of you. This is routine, so roll with it. Accepting a breakup without protest is almost like going through drug or alcohol withdrawl – in fact, you’ll even experience very much the same type of symptoms. But stick it out. If you’re looking to win him back, it’s the only road to take right now. Any other road only leads to disaster.
Rebuilding a New Relationship From The Ground Up
Unless your reunion date was a total disaster, it probably ended on a high note. You had a great time together, and you both tasted some of the original magic and sweetness that your relationship once had. Although nothing was officially resolved, you’re probably eager to see each other again.
There’s a good chance you’re at the beginning of a new relationship with your ex. There still may be some lingering friend-type interaction, but if you played your cards right there should be some real romantic potential. This budding new romance is very fragile. It should be treated like a glowing ember: given enough fuel (positive contact) and oxygen (room to breathe), it can grow into a roaring fire. This will be your new relationship.
Make New Plans and Go New Places
An extremely easy thing to do at this point is to fall back into the same old relationship patterns. Whether you realize it or not, the two of you had a past routine that you followed together. Reliving this pattern could put you both in the same mental funk you were in when you broke up. In order to make a fresh start, you need to go new places and you need to do new things.
Steer clear of your old haunts for a while. Check out some new resturants, hit some new places the two of you have never been together. Sit down with your ex and plan out some cool stuff together – it further strengthens your bond and it’s something completely innocent you can share with each other. And if things are going well, why not plan a trip all by yourself that you know he’ll like? Building any relationship takes time, but building a new one requires fresh places and activities.
Be Ready To Talk When The Time Is Right
After a while, the elephant in the room will get a little too big to ignore. The subject of your breakup has been avoided until now, but there will be a point you won’t be able to move forward until it’s addressed. This is the last remnant of your old relationship that needs to be torn down. Once you can put this to bed, the both of you can concentrate on the new romance you’ve been laying the founding for.
This conversation is necessary, but don’t let it spin out of control. Resolving your break up must be done extremely carefully, so that neither one of you places undo blame upon the other. You want to address the subject gingerly, make sure the both of you have your say, and then get out quickly before any new damage is done.
Tips For Talking To Your Ex About The Break Up
• Be Yourself – You don’t have to act like someone entirely different in order to get a fresh start. Contrary to popular belief, people can’t “change” to suit other people’s molds or needs. Your ex fell in love with you for who you are, so remember that.
• Express Regret – No matter how it went down, you should express regret that your relationship ended. Explain to your ex that you’ve had time to think, and you see things from a much different perspective. Let him know you’d rather be together, and that on your end, you’re willing to do what it takes to make the new relationship work.
• Let It Go – Chances are most of your fighting was over stupid or insignificant little things that don’t mean much of anything in your relationship. When arguments happen, people tend to make them much bigger than they really are. Leave all that stupid baby crap in the past where it belongs, and concentrate only on the main issues.
• Don’t Assign Blame – If you value a fresh start, you shouldn’t dig up old wounds. Unless one of you cheated or did something equally bad, there’s not much need for apologies. If he begins to apologize, stop him and tell him it’s okay. You don’t need that type of justification – you only think you do. People on both sides of a relationship get so wrapped up in who’s right and who’s wrong, they don’t ever realize the damage this tit-for-tat bullshit does to their relationship. Recognize that, both for the past and the future.
• Address Your Major Points – Be careful here. If you’ve got a major bone of contention to bring up, do it as gently and non-threateningly as possible. Let your ex know why it bothers you, and then ask him what he thinks. Listen to his response without interruption. And no matter what you do, only bring up things that really matter to you. If you act like someone handed you a microphone and start airing all of your little grievances, things will go bad very quickly. Pick only the major points you truly care about and leave the rest in the dust.
• Invite Him To Talk To You – Your ex-boyfriend probably has a few things to say of his own, but remember that guys aren’t always good at stuff like this. Gently ask him his opinions. If he doesn’t want to talk about the circumstances surrounding your break up, let it go. But if he has a bone or two of his own to pick with you, you’ve really got to nod and listen. Let him get stuff off his own chest. If you can do this non-confrontationally and without arguing back, you might be surprised at what he has to say.
Your post-breakup talk should go smoothly and calmly. Neither one of you should get argumentitive or raise your voice. If you see this happening, try to back it down a bit. It’s been a long while since you’ve had a conversation like this, so there may be some important things to say. Get them out there, but also remember to listen. Don’t spend too much time on any one thing, and don’t argue any point to death. For 99% of the topics you cover, the best remedy is to just leave it in the past.
Once this talk is over, let it be over for good. Don’t revisit this at a later time. Going back to re-examine any of these old topics won’t make you feel any better, and there’s a good chance it’ll make things worse. Look forward, not back.
Forgiving & Forgetting – The Final Steps To Getting Back With An Ex
More than half of all reconciliations are doomed to failure because people refuse to follow these two simple rules. When someone dumps you, you feel wronged on all kinds of levels. So in getting back together, you may find yourself experiencing feelings of animosity toward your ex simply because he didn’t have to go through that same type of pain. This is where the guilt begins. As soon as everything seems to be going well, some women lay heavy amounts of guilt on their boyfriend without even realizing why they’re even doing it. And this is a really bad move.
They’re sneaky about it too. They don’t bring this stuff up until after you’re back together. They act all loving and cool and like everything’s great… and then suddenly they’re heaping tons of guilt on you for stuff you did three months ago. I can’t stand that. It’s one of the biggest reasons why not to get back together. Guys can let sleeping dogs lie, but girls never, ever forget.
Once again, don’t be this girl. If you’re here reading this guide then you want to know how to get back an ex-boyfriend. Yet none of that matters if you’re going to drive him away once you do get him back. If you really DO want to make up with your ex, then you’re going to have to forgive him for whatever it is that he did. And if he wants a long-term relationship with you, he’s going to have to forgive you as well.
How Do I Rebuild A Relationship If There’s Been Cheating Involved?
The most solid building block of any relationship is trust. Cheating destroys trust, causing the rest of your romance to come tumbling down around the both of you. Many people consider cheating as the end-all deal breaker in their relationship. These types of people don’t want their ex back, because they feel deep in their hearts that they’ll never trust that person again.
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If you’re one of these people, there’s not much to be done. But if your relationship is something you truly value and would like to work on despite one of you having cheated, there are ways to accept what happened and move forward. Identifying cheating isn’t always easy, but once you have, you’ll both need to accept things and move forward. If your boyfriend cheated on you, he owes you a long, heartfelt apology. You can’t move on without that. But once that happens, you’ve got to begin the process of forgiving him and rebuilding your trust.
Of course, this won’t happen overnight. But given time, it will happen. If your boyfriend keeps his vow never to cheat again, then you must keep your vow to leave the entire situation in the past. You can’t bring it up whenever you feel like and beat him over the head with it. This will make you both feel angry, and will erode away at the trust you’ve been trying to rebuild. You might even already know couples like this. And if you think about them, you know in your heart that they’ll never work out… because they never really forgave each other in the first place.
The Path To Real Happiness – Letting Go Of Anger And Resentment
If you don’t think you can get over the things he’s done, such as cheating on you or dating someone else while the two of you were broken up, then you really didn’t want him back in the first place. Decide this before you even begin the reconciliation process. You cannot move forward creating a solid, loving relationship while still harboring anger and resentment toward the things your ex did in the past. Those feelings will tear down anything new that you try to build, and you’ll drive yourself crazy trying to understand why your relationship suddenly sucks again.
But if you really want to make things work and can truly forgive, you should know that trust can eventually be reestablished. So many people spend their lives lamenting over yesterday, when they could be enjoying the experiences of today. Life’s way too short to hold grudges. By moving forward and concentrating on your own happiness, the two of you can build a long-term future that includes each other.